Here at Plunkett’s Pest Control, we love our jobs. That might sound weird to you. Do we really love killing pests that much? Kinda creepy. Well, even though pest control is a big part of what we do, professional pest management is about much more.
Pests have an important place in the world, but without proper management, they can get out of control and start to interfere with our collective place in the world. That makes it harder for us to do our jobs, and for pests to do their jobs. Pest infestation is kind of a lose-lose, really.
Enter pest management! Professionals like us make sure pest problems don’t spiral out of control by using responsible, sustainable control solutions to make sure pests stay where they need to be and stay out of where they shouldn’t be. When you think about it, we’re helping maintain the world’s balance. It’s a bit like a sacred duty, really. We’re not saying we’re Captain Planet, but…
Anyway, one way we keep ourselves happy and motivated is to periodically consider what the world would be like if pro pest controllers such as ourselves didn’t exist. It isn’t always pretty to imagine, but the idea of some kind of pest apocalypse that only we can stop really gets us fired up to protect some homes and businesses. Wait, we’re doing the superhero thing again, aren’t we?
Well, here are a few headlines you’d see if we weren’t here to keep pests in check. We’re not trying to show off, just pointing a few things out. If you need us, we’ll be trying on capes.
Mankind’s Food Stores Depleted!
Did you know that rodents like rats and mice eat something like 20 percent of the world’s food supply
? That’s with our best efforts to keep those little jerks out! Without the efforts of your ever-humble servants in pest control, it’s likely that our food would be consumed by a ceaseless furry tide before we could even get out the silverware! Even our water wouldn’t be spared; pests tend to contaminate water with their waste and saliva, making it unsafe to drink. Without a method of controlling them, pests would work their way into most water supplies available to us, which would be very bad. Plus, imagine opening your favorite box of cereal and seeing a rat munching away in there. That’s not great.
Disease Runs Rampant!
It’s well-known that pests are one of the main ways infectious diseases spread
. Pests like mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, and rats can carry and transmit diseases like food poisoning and allergies even when they’re being controlled. Mosquitoes are the primary transmitter of malaria to human beings
. Then there are the fleas that hide out on dogs and cats. Yuck!
Luckily, pest control professionals are very good at keeping disease-causing pests contained. In fact, pest control programs are considered one of the most crucial ways to limit the impact of dangerous diseases
. If disease is the “big bad” of all humanity, then pest control is basically the Avengers of keeping people safe! You know, along with science and medicine. Show-offs.
Citizens Flee From The Outdoors!
Do you like the state fair? That’s a rhetorical question; everyone loves fried food on a stick. The thing about the state fair, though, is it’s not a particularly tidy affair. Much like sporting events, parades, or pretty much any large outdoor gathering, a lot of trash and food ends up littered everywhere. You can see where this is going. For as much as you love the state fair, we guarantee pests would like it a whole lot more. Without measures taken by pest professionals to keep those nasty buggers out, state fairs, baseball games, and more would be pest paradise.
Right now, the worst thing you’ve got to worry about at the state fair is the Pronto Pup line. Imagine fighting your way through a cloud of fleas to even get to the line. Without pest control, outdoor activities would become an untenable proposition. “Sorry, Billy,” you’d say to your young son. “We can’t go to the park today. It belongs to them now.”
Rats Spell Nuclear Disaster!
Nuclear energy is pretty scary, huh? Turns out you have to take security at nuclear power plants pretty darn seriously. That includes pest security. If rats were ever allowed to nest inside or around nuclear reactors, or gnaw on critical wires… well, we don’t think we have to explain how bad a malfunction in a nuclear facility could be. That’s why keeping rats and other gnarly gnawers away from sensitive equipment is so important. Luckily, Plunkett’s has programs specifically designed to protect commercial businesses
and make sure important material stays safe.
Monstrous Munchers Mandicate Mankind’s Money!
This one sounds made up, doesn’t it? A little too “supervillain” to be true? Well, believe it or not, pests really can come after your money if left unchecked. Specifically, pests like to feed on the money stored in ATMs. Moths, fleas, rodents, and other opportunists chew away at those Benjamin’s, Jackson’s, Hamilton’s, and Washington’s you’re withdrawing. You’re looking forward to that crisp, new money feeling, and instead you get frayed, crumpled, chewed-up bills with holes in them! Your money might even be unusable! It’s ridiculous; pests don’t even realize what they’re doing. They’re effective supervillains without even meaning to be!
Our Very Homes Besieged!
Except for maybe disease, there’s nothing pests are more infamous for than property damage. For example, termites alone damage approximately 600,000 homes a year
, causing $1.5 billion dollars of property damage a year. That’s a ‘b’ for ‘billion,’ yes. Pests cause more damage to property yearly than all natural disasters combined. Rodents can even cause fires by biting through electrical or gas wires. Without pest control, even your home or workplace isn’t a safe haven! And what can you do? Run outside? We already covered that. They’re everywhere.
Humans Everywhere At Wit’s End!
As you might imagine, being literally and metaphorically plagued by an unstoppable pest horde is psychologically distressing. Arachnophobia is the most common phobia in the world
, for instance. Even if you don’t suffer from a particularly pronounced fear of spiders or other insects, no one loves dealing with pests on a day-to-day basis. They’re kinda gross. Without pest control, pests would be a significantly larger part of all of our lives. That means they’d also be a significantly bigger part of our thoughts and our stress. And that’s no good.
We make pests out to be really bad here, but remember: all of these disasters are the consequences of pest proliferation unchecked. Pests have a vital role to play in balancing the world’s ecology and can do a lot of cool things
in service of this role. We think a lot about how pests inconvenience us, but in a lot of ways, we’re considerably more inconvenient to pests. It’s human society, and all our unnatural capacity to create waste and refuse, that upsets the natural order and cause pests to spiral out of control.
Like all great superheroes, humanity is indirectly responsible for the creation of our supervillain. That means it’s up to us to roster the balance we disrupted, by putting pests back into their place in the natural order.
Protecting the natural order! Restoring natural balance to the world! Pest control may not seem like the flashiest of jobs, but Plunkett’s is proud to do what we can to make our collective home a better, healthier place to live. We’re not in the pest game for recognition; action is our reward. The next time you need help with a pest infestation, call Plunkett’s
. We’re still working on the “pest signal,” but we’ll be just as prepared and effective as any other superhero. And don’t worry, we won’t embarrass you by showing up in a cape. Probably.